The Long Night

November 17, 2017

Dallas, TX

For some time I had heard about the GoRuck Challenge and had wanted to participate. Like so many things, though, I never did.

Until 2017, which turned out to be a year of doing.

I signed up in August, thinking that I would have plenty of time to train. Thinking I would be more than strong enough to meet the Challenge.

I was so wrong.

I could say that I made it through the night, but really, I didn’t. The man who was handed his patch standing inside the JFK Memorial at 8 in the morning was a different man than the one who showed up at 9 pm by City Hall the night before.

9pm

The 25 of us lined up in the parking lot not far from Dallas City Hall waiting for the Cadre to arrive. After getting our ruck weights, cash, and IDs checked, and getting some basic instructions, we were waking into the night. It was Cadre Brad’s birthday and someone had given him a cookie cake earlier, so our task on the first part of our walk was to eat the entire cookie cake. That was the most disgusting cookie cake I had ever eaten.

Within minutes I was completely lost, I was simply following the people in front of me, trying to keep up, and it stayed that way for most of the night.

Our first destination was Lake Cliff Park, near the boarding house where Lee Harvey Oswald was staying when he killed JFK. We broke into smaller teams and then had to walk around the lake 5 times – once for every time in his life that JFK was declared dead. At three of the hard corners we were to stop and do 25 reps of a specific exercise. The first corner was 25 squat thrusts, the second corner was 25 4-count straight arm raises, and the third corner as 25 pushups. I honestly can’t remember if I made it all the way through the first lap on my own or not. I do know I tried to quit before the second lap was over. I struggled in my training to push overheadand the event was no different. I was afraid that if I kept going I would just drop the 40lb backpack right onto my head. I laid on the ground, said I couldn’t do anymore, but the men  on my team wouldn’t let me quit.

The men in my team carried me through the rest of the laps – they would either support my pack on theirs, do extra reps to make up for the ones I couldn’t, and when I couldn’t carry my pack anymore they would take it for me until I was ready. On the five mile-long laps, the only part that I can say was 100% me was the pushups.

After the five laps we got a water break. We were the next to last team, so we didn’t get as long as the others, but it was good to get a rest. One person had left, so  we got to carry a chunk of concrete. From there I volunteered to be one of the two team leaders for the next leg of the night. The longest part of that leg was from Oak Cliff Founders Park to Clyde Warren Park. Even though I wasn’t very familiar with Dallas, I ended up being the navigator. I took a turn too early which really slowed us  down. We were carrying 3 of us.  Every 20 minutes the Cadre would stop us and we would do 109 4-count flutter kicks. We stopped three times in the way there, and did a final set when we got there. I could barely pick my feet up for the next few days.

Since I was navigating, I was relying on my co-Team Leader to keep the line together. Before we got to our destination we had been replaced, and he had been “killed”, meaning he had to be carried also.

There  was a lot of walking through the night, a long break outside a 7-Eleven, playing in the sand of a volleyball court outside of a children’s hospital, then a long walk back to Dallas City Hall carrying a chain of five or six sandbags. Very heavy sandbags, all connected together. By the time we reached Dallas City Hall, the sun was already coming up. The sun being up made it easier to carry on.

After we ran five circles in the fountain, I knew I would make it through.

From there we walked over to Dealey Plaza, the site of the assassination. After a long rest there in the grass, we walked over to the Memorial and received our patches for making it through the night.

Getting my patch was very emotional. After I hobbled the eight blocks or so back to my car, I called my wife and cried as I told her that I made it. It was one of the proudest moments in my life. The night was so much harder than I had expected, which made finishing that much sweeter.

Those feelings lasted about 2 days before the shame set in. I was ashamed of trying to quit, ashamed of needing other people carrying my weight for me.

It was weeks before I realizedthe meaning of that night. It wasn’t about proving myself, or making it through on my own.

It was making it through as a team.

Everyone isn’t able to carry their weight all the time. That’s okay. If you are able to carry your load, then try and help someone else who can’t.

Nearly two years after my first GoRuck,  I am signed up for a second one in late October of this year. It might not coincide exactly, but it is going to usher in a new chapter of my life.

While they aren’t for everyone, I would highly recommend a GoRuck Challenge for anyone. It pushes you beyond all your masks, will break down the lies you tell yourself, and show you what being part of a team really means.